To say No

The circles that run through my head

Some days float like bubbles

And others come crashing like snow from an avalanche. 

With my mind constantly in chaos

I’ve stretched myself so thin

You forget how to say words like 

No, or not today I’m simply to busy. 

When you don’t know where your minds going

But all you say is yes 

It’s amazing the kind of trouble you can get yourself into 

I have to learn to let theses bubbles burts

And to build myself some walls 

With the rubble the rocks in my head have left

If I can remember to say No sometimes 

I might just survive 

I have to wrap this disaster I call my mind

To know saying not today

Won’t let everyone down, and everything won’t fall apart 

I have to learn to say No

And I might not fall apart. 

The eleventh hour

I was born in the eleventh hour

Always a little late to the party 

But that’s never seemed to matter. 

I was brought in my first day already black in blue

If coming to life couldn’t kill me

Then what can this world really do 

I’ve always been broken 

I saw this from day one

That’s why I’m kinda backwards 

Because I didn’t get to start on page one

It’s like they thought I could be a cornerstone 

So they shoved me into a place 

But I was made to stand out 

I’m not like every other puzzle piece 

I can’t stay in these party line dances 

Because when everyone’s in the count down 

Going from ten to one 

I’ve already jumped off from that last hour

Trying to see how far I can reach.

Just because I’m kinda clumsy

And life gave me a short stick 

Don’t think I will be held down 

Just because I’ve missed a few cute party tricks. 

The plan 

I always try to tell myself 

Don’t get your hopes up.

Everyone’s the same, they say they can handle 

Your madness this different kind of crazy. 

So you let them in, get to close to quickly.

And like a spring rain they up and disappear.

With out a trace. No way for you to know

What you did wrong. 

Was it something I said? Was it something I did? 

Was that little peak at your madness 

Just to scary for them to jump in? 

But for some reason I always get my hopes up. 

Whenever someone wants to talk

Even if it’s just for a few days

I always imagine maybe this could be it

And I won’t be alone.

But then I blink for a second to long

And they are already gone. 

So I push that hope right back down 

With a big old sip of sadness

One day my heart will listen to my mind

And I’ll finally understand 

That I’m in this world alone

And maybe that’s just always been the plan. 

Spring 

Spring the start of new life. A new beginning for many

They crave the long days and warmer weather

It brings back all those loving memories of adventures past.

But for me these longer days and that bright sun

Push me off an edge into the deepest spiral 

They all see new life. But I just see myself 

Fading into the shell of a person

I’m a million miles away because my heads no longer connected to my body you see

It’s trapped somewhere else dwelling 

On old memories, ones that should make me smile

But when they come into my mind

It’s like someone’s shot off a cannon 

All those adventures I had, places I called home

They turned to dust with each flower that blooms

If I were to step back to any of those places 

I’d be just as alone. I’m somone with no place to call a home 

So why do so many look forward to this warmth 

When it only brings me down? 

They want bright colors short sleeves, but 

You will find me curling up in dark wool sweaters 

Hoping that no one sees. 

Spring spring spring 

It’s ringing in the air

It’s choking my mind 

I’d like to end

Why can’t winter be here? 

One war two stories 

I met you at a time when I was broken

Sitting in the shadows at my most vounrable moments

Trying to learn how to shield myself from everything around me

All I wanted was to be alone

But there was something about you

The way you approached me

Just as naked and scared as I 

That you did not frighten me

It’s like you could see just how my world had fallen apart 

But you didn’t want to glue it back together for me

You just wanted to see me

Because you understood that dark ugly place

That I had crept into but you didn’t see it as a hole

You saw it as a new place to help me build myself a foundation 

You didn’t care if I didn’t want you with me

You just wanted to help me grow

Because it’s the same place you have fallen into 

That’s why you can see my broken world

And the shields I try to build because you are fighting 

The same battles with different monsters who want the same end

We want the same end but it’s not what they want 

So that’s why somehow we let each other in

Because sometimes it’s okay to be broken 

And alone but together 

Fighting one war in two stories.

Roller coaster 🎢

My life is a roller coaster that has no end

Some days it goes straight up, others it’s crashing down around me

Today it’s like an endless loop

Taking my life higher then I could imagine 

Spinning so fast my head could be ripped from my shoulders 

Before it takes the most unexpected turn

And thrashes me back to the lowest lows

Making me scream from my darkest fears 

There’s never day I know if I’ll survive 

But I keep holding on

Because I’ve learned it’s worth the fight 

Even if it’s just one hand with a death grip on the handles 

I know screaming can be fun

Because my life is a roller coaster

I just have to hold on. 

Rose glasses🥀 👓

You are a thought that used to cross my mind

A little something that once could make me grin 

But now when your blue eyes flash inside my head

I no longer see my memory from the rose colored glasses 

You tried so hard to paint on our past

It took many lonely nights but I’ve finally chipped away 

That last layer and now I can see

My life is better with out you 

So stop dropping by.

 I’ve finally closed and locked that door

So even if you try to repaint 

What you think we had it will just be 

Like adding white ink to paper, 

Piling chains on this closed door

So goodbye one more time to this 

Forgotten memory. 

She

I didn’t know when I walked into that building 

That I’d be stepping into the light of an Angel 

She may have a broken wing but she’s standing strong

She knows how to change the world with her glow

From her smile and stories of the sun

To the teardrops she’s never afraid to show.

She may not know it but she’s got the power 

To change millions of lives. 

She’s never afraid to stop growing

She’s a light to help follow even if she’s feeling down

I know together we can build new ground. 

EMMR

You are stronger then I ever 

Imagined you could be

The girl I watched grow up

Right next to me 

She was never afraid 

Not even when death looked

Right into her eyes 

She just smiled and pushed him aside 

She never questioned when I needed

Her hand to stand by my side 

It’s amazing to be able to watch 

You change the world 

Even if you think you can’t 

Even when we’re miles apart 

I love that you will always 

Be my biggest fan no matter 

What challenges I face 

I’m never alone

Monster Mirror 🌓

I always wonder 

If I’m the only one who see

The monster behind me when I face myself 

In the mirror.

She’s not that scary with the face 

That looks just like mine

But she knows all my secrets 

That I’ve tried to hide

She shows me every flaw.

I can’t make her go away.

Some days I feel like 

This monster pulls my strings 

Sometimes it’s the only reason I make it

Through my day.

Monster I call her

Because she knows my

Weakness

But maybe she’s not that at all

That face with my secrets 

What I think are flaws

Maybe they are beautiful 

Not monster claws

Maybe I shouldn’t wonder if others can see her

Maybe I should let her out

Because if I’m not afraid of the face

I see every morning 

Then why should anyone else.